Soo...

I was just watching an Animal Planet program about animal hoarding when suddenly it struck me.

Might we have a bit of hoarder in the making? Feel free to keep your answers to yourselves.

It'sonlytemporaryit'sonlytemporaryit'sonlytemporary

Beweave it or not

I love long hair. Unfortunately my hair grows at the speed of an injured turtle. So when I feel like having long hair I get a weave. In the past, many (ahem) people have asked me how a weave works (after an unsolicited stroke of my hair). So today I'm providing a tutorial.

This is my hair when wet, in it's natural curly state.

This is my hair after being air-dried

This is my hair when straightened. I have been extremely lazy about hair care, hence it's bone dry, split ended, poofy appearance. This picture was taken yesterday on the way to the salon. I forgot that you're not supposed to smile in before pictures.

"Before"

This is a Dominican salon. I love Dominican salons because they're friendly, cheap and the stylists speak little English. No small talk necessary.

First, the hair is washed thoroughly.

Then, the stylist puts the hair into rollers and sits you under a hooded hair dryer for 45 minutes to an hour.  The heat is very relaxing.

Once the hair is dry, the stylist removes the rollers and combs out the hair. Then it's weave time. There are many techniques for applying a weave. I prefer the sew-in technique in which the stylist braids cornrows (known as tracks) into the hair, leaving some hair out between each track.

Not me

I only get the back half of my head braided and have my real hair out in front for a layered look. Once the tracks are all braided in, the stylist sews a hair extension onto each track using a needle and thread designed for hair weaving.

Sewn in extension

Sidenote: Hair quality is very important. Synthetic hair is cheap (and often looks it). Human hair looks better and costs more. In general, the more expensive the hair, the better it looks and longer it lasts. I once spent almost 200 dollars on a bag of hair. The hair was custom blended, washable and could be reused for years. But you can also get a good bag of hair for 40 bucks. You just have to keep buying a new bag every time you get your hair done.

Hair in packaging

Close up of root

When the extensions are all in, the stylist blows dries then straightens the whole head of hair.

And voila: 

"After" : It's unbeweavable how fast my hair grew

I'm loving the long hair. I feel more attractive, more confident and more motivated to lose some weight to complete the package. I even almost bought a mini-trampoline.

The whole weaving process takes about 2-3 hours and is pain-free (unless you consider boredom a form of pain). Proper upkeep involves wrapping the hair in a silk cap each night so that it doesn't get dried out on cotton pillows.

Sexy and stylish

It also requires washing your hair every week or so. Some (ahem) people are horrified when they discover that I don't wash my hair everyday. I've even gone a couple of months without washing (shh!). But the fact is, my hair is very fine and it gets brittle and dried out the minute it touches water. Home hair care products only add to the problem.  Even the ones that promise EXTREME MOISTURIZING SILK INFUSION TECHNOLOGY. So if my hair smells, it's time for a wash. If my scalp itches, it's time for a wash. If my roots look like they've been through a miniature snowstorm, it's time for a wash.

Before that, what's the point? According to the New York Times, I'm not alone. And if it's in the Times, it has to be true. Try it out, you might be surprised.

Well, that wraps up the weave tutorial.  Please consult this blog post before asking me (again) if the hair is sewn into my scalp (??).

And please, never touch my hair.

Everything you need to know about me

I was browsing online and found this protest sign from the Rally to Restore Sanity/Fear.

"I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming"

 I couldn't have summarized myself better.

It's my costume and I'll cry if I want to

This past Saturday was Halloween. I initially wanted to dress up as the giant tube sock from the Skittles commercial that I'm obsessed with. If you haven't seen it, check it out:

Unfortunately, it proved to be a very difficult costume to put together. You can't just go out and buy a giant tube sock at your local Target. Instead, I decided to embrace what I've become in the last 2 weeks: a cat lady. Obviously my first stop was Goodwill. It is a gold mine for tacky clothing. Within 20 minutes, I had a pile of cat themed clothing to choose from. 8 dollars later, I had this snazzy getup:

The cats loved it for obvious reasons

I put a lot of effort into the details of the costume (including an hour spent applying glitter) and was confident that I'd be a shoe-in for the costume contest. Chris decided to wear the same costume he'd worn for the past four Halloweens: a whoopie cushion. He got it from a child who outgrew it. A child. Who outgrew it. He almost didn't even wear a costume. No Halloween spirit, I tell ya.

A few weeks ago, Chris read about a Halloween party at Thomas Creek Brewery. It promised , live music, BBQ and five hours of all you can drink craft beer for 10 dollars. As a plus, the brewery was less than 10 minutes from home. It was an easy decision.

The event started at 1:00 and by the time we arrived unfashionably late at 3:00 the party was in full swing. The instant we got there, some revelers turned and laughed at us. I was prepared for this. I know, I know people, cat lady = brilliant! The timelessness! The attention to detail!

And then, something terrible happened. They started telling Chris how awesome his costume was. CHRIS' COSTUME??? They looked at mine just long enough to register confusion then began requesting pictures with him like he was Jake Gyllenhaal. Dressed like a whoopie cushion. This disturbing trend continued the rest of the afternoon. I think some people honestly questioned whether or not I was wearing a costume. My visions of sweeping the costume contest and being paraded through the party on the shoulders of a horde of partygoers faded with each passing minute.

I beelined to the beer line to drown my sorrows. At least the beer did not disapoint. They had a variety of specialty beers, from IPAs to Vanilla cream ale to Belgian Porter. They also had some pretty intense cask beers that helped ease my pain. Chris on the other hand was eating up all the attention.

He started walking around squeezing the whoopie cushion to make the farting sound behind random people. The whoopie cushion that I told him to buy. The crowd loved it. I can't win. Obviously simplicity is key down here. I mean, a teletubby won the costume contest. A teletubby! 1997 called and wants it's costume ideas back.

Too excited for spell check

Ok yes, I was a little bitter. Halloween is MY favorite holiday and Chris swooped in and got all the attention with a lazy costume he didn't even want to wear. But despite the soul crushing, there were quite a few perks. The live music was good, the beer lines were short and the BBQ was amazing. Carolina BBQ is second to none. Chris had an incident with the hot sauce but that was kind of his own fault. We literally had to sign a waiver to try it and he decided to slather it all over his pulled pork sandwich. A few beers (and tears) later, he was recovered.

The party didn't go quite as I'd hoped but it ended up being a good time. At least the kittens loved my costume. And the old man from the portapotty line that offered to lick cat food off me. Hoping not to run into him again.

Below are some more pictures from the party.

Next year, I'm all over that giant tube sock.

Snapshots from my farm

Bouncing back

It's been a couple weeks since the lizard incident and I'm almost fully recovered. Yes, all my trips into the laundry room lately involve me frantically sprinting in and out. But I'll be fine. Gift baskets aren't necessary. The best way to bounce back is to start blogging again so here goes...

The week of the 11th was a pretty lazy one. Chris was in real estate classes and Lacey, Brutus and I were mostly unproductive. Brutus wasn't the biggest fan of Lacey since she liked to sneak up and swipe at him. She's a playful kitten, and he's an old man. But they eventually learned to tolerate each other...while asleep.

I was able to check one thing off my list - cleaning the office. When we moved in, all of the suitcases and random stuff ended up in that room. It became a giant storage closet. So one rainy day I finally tackled the project. Lacey was nice enough to help by pouncing onto everything I attempted to put away.

After a couple hours, the project was complete. Having that room cleaned out was a weight off my shoulders. Felt so good to be able to check something off my list.

Office Before:

Office After: 

Yes, everything on the wall is crooked

That Friday we went to the our standard Friday night bar, the Irish Pub. Every Friday we meet up there with some people we met through the Meetup group. We're practically regulars and it's always a good time. The beer is cheap, the locals are friendly and the karaoke is very...memorable. That night, a local woman did an eardrum shattering performance of Madonna's Like a Virgin, complete with gyrating on the mic stand and putting the mic up to her crotch. Guess she thought it wanted to sing. Her boyfriend noticed me taking a video of her performance and insisted that I put it on youtube. I declined. For now.

Not a virgin

Saturday morning was a harsh reminder once again that alcohol is poison. There is a reason they made an entire movie about hangovers. They are a real bitch. Luckily, I discovered a way to ease the pain: Bojangles' cajun filet biscuit. I'm normally anti-fast food but Chris was raving about it and my grease levels were dangerously low. It made me feel a lot better...until an hour later when it made me feel a lot worse.

Grease fix

I also spotted an exciting new addition to the neighborhood: Trader Joe's! They opened last week and I can't wait to check it out. I love suburban grocery stores. So big and clean and full of food. The Trader Joe's I shopped at in New York was small and always packed with people. The wait in line was always a minimum of 20 minutes followed by a 5 block walk home carrying heavy bags of food to squeeze into the fridge I shared with two messy roommates. Life is easier these days.

That afternoon my foster duties were complete and I took Lacey back to the Humane Society. It was so sad to have to say goodbye to her. She was such a sweet, affectionate, playful kitten. And she constantly followed me around the house. I love 'em needy. I wanted to keep her permanently but unfortunately she was a long-haired kitten and Chris and I were both allergic. Zyrtec worked great for the allergies but it'd be pretty expensive for us to be on it for the rest of her life. Plus, Brutus was terrified of her. He's a real man's man.

I spotted this pretty girl at the shelter and felt like maybe it was fate that I adopt her. I think it would be hilarious to have a dog and a person with the same name living in our house. The confusion! The laughter! Chris disagreed.

Doppelganger

That night we tried out the cast iron pizza pan I bought on Amazon as a gift for Chris completing real estate school. Cast iron pans are awesome - it made our best pizza yet. Now he uses it for all kinds of meals- roasted potatoes, bacon and eggs, stromboli - it does it all.

12 pounds of delcious

And then on Sunday: KITTENS!

to be continued